I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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