Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
