just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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