You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
