the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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