I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
