11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
