piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
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