i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Acid is not a monday night drug
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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