Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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