One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
