i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
