you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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