I wanna passion pit in your ass
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
where are my eyebrows?
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