He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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