Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
