when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
