Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize