the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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