fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
