just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
