We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
