i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
