i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
