My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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