You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
