how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just gift wrapped bread.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
