I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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