Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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