I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
