moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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