Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
