is your mom at the bar?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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