Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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