so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
