Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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