No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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