just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
