Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
