This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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