i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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