we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
