Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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