I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
