i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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