I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize