did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
