I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
