i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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