xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize