I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
