opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
