i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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