I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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