i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
