Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
