Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize