That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
tell me about the eggs
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
