I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hell yes lets make some ravioli
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
