I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
