I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
