hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
