No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
