I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just want nice things and good sex
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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