I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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